Member Submission: Results of punitive, ineffective laws drafted out of unfounded fears
I was at the registration office and due to COVID was told to sit outdoors, a ways back from where the glass intake door is. You cannot hear what is going on there, but you can see as you sit and wait in line. As I waited, I saw that the man that was registering was escorted inside the glass door and placed in handcuffs. And I felt an overwhelming sense of sadness. I felt as if a brother in our cause was being imprisoned… again. So much so that I turned to the other person waiting and said, “Did you see that?”
He nodded and said it will probably happen to him, too. I asked why and he said he missed his registration by one day, that he does not have a car and so arrived late when the office was already closed. By then it was my turn and I went up and as I sat the detective asked that man what was he was here for, because it was close to lunch, and she needed to know. The man said he missed his registration day and asked was he going to be arrested? The detective answered not sure and told him to remain where he was and then turned to me and asked the reason I was there. I told her and then asked her, in a low voice so the other man would not hear, whether the prior person arrested was for missing registration day and whether this other man would be arrested as well. She nodded yes.
And tears came to my eyes. I could not understand why? I did not know either of these men. For all I knew they were willfully reckless for not registering on time. And then it hit me why. Years ago, I would buy a wall calendar for the next year in December and would write all the birthdays, anniversaries etc., including the reporting dates. As the months arrived I would glance at my calendar to see what needed to be done. As the year progressed and I got to month nine and saw I had written something, but because I had written it when the calendar was on the wall, the combination of the bad angle and my lousy handwriting resulted in gibberish I could not read. Further, since I had written it 9 months ago, I could not offhand remember what it was about. I thought to myself “it will come to me”. But it never did. I never remembered that it was my reminder to report.
Months passed and one night, around 11 PM, I hear very, very loud pounding on my door. Five officers in uniform were there and arrested me for not reporting. I still get anxiety every time there is a knock on my door.
But now I understood the source of my tears. They were for me. It was a PTSD reaction to my being arrested not for something I willfully did, but for something I inadvertently and with no malice mistakenly did not. I was arrested for my mistake. An event that planted a seed of anxiety in me that has me worried about inadvertently violating any one of the myriad of registered citizen laws that engulf us.
But I now see there was also another reason for my sadness. It is because two men and I have been arrested and we and our families had to relive the trauma of incarceration, to not be able to get off the registry having committed another “Sex Offense”. And why? Because of punitive, ineffective laws drafted out of fear, emotions, and political maneuvering. A truly sad commentary on our judicial and social construct.
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My PCSD has declined over time. That’s because I’ve become conditioned to officers coming to my home over and over again just to do a one-minute address check from the front porch. Each time nothing dramatic results from it, I find myself adapting. Plus FAC has helped me increase my confidence in my compliance status.
I spent two years and four months in a shithole known to the world as Iraq during the worst moments….March 2006, insurgency spiked up after Golden Mosque bombing….then…..January 2008 through April 2009. I relieve my worst experiences every night, and unless someone has lived through combat traumas and fears, no human being would know how bad that is.
I am a man who, before the besides the two of the above, knew no fear. And now, I lived through constant fears that matches my combat experiences. I am afraid that “pounding in the door” will take place some day for something stupid….I give instructions to my wife if that day comes, I put my phone somewhere else when they come to do the check ups, I give her lawyers contact information, I even think that I would rather take my life than spend a day in prison. Now my friends, this is the mind of a severely traumatized person. And I know that like me, there are many.
Manny
Please do not think about taking your life, sounds like you have a great family and by doing so, punish your loved ones. Even though I hate the registry, at least I have many freedoms that you did not have in prison. Creeps looking at you when you shower, fights over stupid card games, And that is just the guards LOL
Thank you Cherokee Jack, I appreciate your words and your concerns.
No, I am not planning such a thing, I have already tried 3 times before and it seems very obvious to me that The Man Upstairs, my dear and very loved My Lord does not want me dead. He made it clear to me, so, there is no point for me to try it again.
Thanks to my Dear God, I am currently living a great life, I have a wonderful support structure, with an amazing wife who values me for the man, husband and best friend that I am to her, to my kids, to my family and friends.
However, I now live in constant fear, something that not that long ago, was kind of foreign to me. Fear was something I knew not much about, even when bullets and damn rockets and mortars were blowing around us day in and night out for over two years, in two deployments. Now, I had to feel fear to survive years of probation, time in jail, retaliation from the community, bias, unfairness among so many other things. That things could it be a lot worse?…of course it can !
The upside is, as you mentioned, I have a wonderful life and looking into the future, I have the hopes that one day, not too far in the distance, there will be changes that will make our lives a little more bearable.
Manny
Amen
I was going to add to it but I think you said all that needed to be said.
Another reason to abolish the registry, right? As Janice says, Show Up! Stand Up! and Speak Up! We can do this!
Just remember what St. James writes in his epistle brothers.
James 2:13 says “For judgment is without mercy to one who has shown no mercy; yet mercy triumphs over judgment. ” All these political hacks who use us for their gain as they throw away the taxpayers money and our lives with unconstitutional laws and restrictions will surely face the highest judge of all for their actions.
I completely agree, and one day we will see mercy prevail!
A very powerful statement; thanks for sharing it. I also feel a sense of dread if there is a knock at the door. If I see a police car in the neighborhood, or if one is behind me while driving, I go into mild panic attacks. I know I have done nothing wrong but this Damocleasean Sword over our heads means we can never, ever, truly relax.
The same thing almost happened to me too. When I lived in Florida. I had to register every 6 months. On my month to register I forgot. I got very lucky the sergeant that’s in charge of the registry at the sheriff’s office call me and told me to get my ass down there it’s the last day for me to register. I got in my car and hauled ass down there. I was very very lucky.
If only every registry office had that attitude! We would have a lot less frivolous prosecution and incarceration and more people moving forward with their lives productively.