It’s heartbreaking to admit it, but I sometimes wish that Adam, our severely intellectually disabled son, will die before me and my husband, Robert. Our fear of the future never ends: Where will he live? How will he manage? Who will take care of him?
The anxiety is even more overwhelming because Adam’s name appears on the sex-offender registry. He committed a crime nine years ago without understanding the implications or realizing what he’d done wrong.
A troubled young man who lived next door to us told Adam it would be “fun” to pull down his pants in front of the boy’s 5-year-old niece. My son had the intellectual capacity of a 10-year-old.
Soon after he was convicted of “sexual exploitation/exposure of organs” in 2013, Adam regressed to the mental age of a preschool kid. His life is in pieces.
Robert and I emptied our retirement account and sold our house to pay for Adam’s legal fees and a new place to live. The three of us share a small condo in Chicago where Adam has the only bedroom, I sleep behind a divider, and Robert sleeps in the living room.
Robert and I have vowed to fight on his behalf. In 2015, I cofounded a nonprofit called Legal Reform for People with Intellectual and Developmental Disabilities. We want special courts to be introduced for people like Adam. Teachers, police officers, prosecutors, judges, and politicians need more awareness of intellectual disabilities.
A family member of mine is likely to be in a similar situation. Please contact me.
Carolyn, the article above contains a link to the website of the organization that authorized this article. Tap on that link and look for the option that says Contact.
Carolyn, please go to our webpage LRIDD.org. We support our families through this trauma. We also offer some resources. We have recently changed our name to Decriminalize Developmental Disabilities (D3). This better explains our mission. However, we are still linked to LRIDD, Legal Reform for the Intellectually and Developmentally Disabled at LRIDD.org and our Facebook page. I would love to talk with you. If you go to the site to join someone will contact you. Let them know you would like your contact information sent to me. I would very much like to talk with you. We must all stand together to fight unjust laws for all.
My heart breaks over this. I know it doesn’t feel like it some times, but there are good people helping fight this kind of thing from happening. I live in Florida and for many years kept my head buried in the sand. It was safer that way. After all, if this problem did not come to my front door then why wake that sleeping dog right? Wrong. I am almost ashamed that I allowed my self to sit on the sidelines as I have. That is not the case now. I am working hard now at both the local, State, and Federal level with every resource I can muster to make sure this kind of thing stops. It are stories like yours that continue to fuel my passion to keep on. Thank you for sharing. Today when I put pen to paper, it will be your story that drives me to work a little longer, and harder. Blessings.
Thank you Carl for your kind words. For the first year I hid from everyone. Afraid of all the dangers out there for my son and our family. Then I found the strength to start to fight against this injustice with my son and the registry as a whole. I have met some wonderful people fighting the fight with me. We all must be brave and tell our stories. There’s a saying “Somebody should do something”. That somebody must be us. Maybe someday they will hear and finally that long awaited and needed change will come and instead of treating us like the scum of the earth they will let us once again be contributing members of society,
I have heard this story before and it is heart breaking. This deserves nothing more than a slap on the wrist. If I was the parent of the 5 year old I would have asked that he not be prosecuted. Seeing a penis is not the end of the world. I am not excusing it and it certainly is not exceptable behavior but let us put the incident in perspective here.
I’ve heard this story before too, but I say he does NOT even deserve a slap on the wrist. He mentally functions as a child, and should have been treated as such.
The law states a minor does not have the mental capacity to consent, yet this young man is charged as if he understood? In that case, charge all 14 year old girls who initiate sexual contact with adults.
Fair is fair.
Michigan – I agree with all your points. And by slap on the wrist I meant by parents, not the government. I should have clarified.
“Equal justice under law” is a phrase engraved on the West Pediment, above the front entrance of the United States Supreme Court building in Washington D.C.
Go figure. Equal? I am not buying it one bit.
JJJJ
The answer is yes, but seems a sex offense changes that. They still have some discretion, but they a lot of times tell you it is “Out of my hands”. Odd there are so many double standards in the courts and law in general.
Confusing case…
Exposing yourself sexually to a minor is a crime. Your brief explanation of the case does not imply this. It tells us about abuse of your own child! If he was cohoarsed into this act without mentally understanding its implications then you need to appeal the case in a higher court. Wishing death upon a disabled child is not the answer. I would suggest mental health family counceling.
JEV
True Confessions
‘If your conviction was unjust, you simply appeal it’ is the sort of legal advice most FAC members will disagree with, I think.
It is sad, but what is even more sad is, eventually Millions will be on the registry.
Here is a staggering number. The State of Wyoming has a population of 577,800.
But according to safehome.org, Nationwide the registry has a population of More than 760,000 people currently listed on states’ sex offender registries (as of April 2022’s count)
I was in prison in Michigan. I knew several guys in that same situation. They were also easy prey for the thugs who specialize in victimizing helpless and disabled inmates. I and several other big guys used to hang around with them to protect them when possible. One in particular had to have court ordered psychological help for over a year to explain everything to him, before he could be considered fit to stand trial. Michigan also did away with the insanity plea years ago as a defense, so there are more inmates than ever in its prisons with mental disabilities. It’s cruel.
How, how can a DA or whatever prosecutor live with themselves after a case like this? How is there no outrage by the entire community and country for not pursuing reasonable, common sense, and restorative justice for this case and others similarly situated. Who does this actually help? And who does it harm? Who in their right mind can claim this is a wise use of the the criminal judicial process. Just because you CAN do something doesn’t mean you SHOULD do it. These people in power, DAS, prosecutors, judges, sheriffs, need a lesson in what justice should look like and basic common sense. And add governors and all branches of government especially after this whole Warren and Desantis debacle in Hillsborough. More and more, common sense discretion has been thrown out the window and we are at the whim of letter of the law dictatorship. This mother should seek asylum in Europe for her son and she and her husband.
My 83-year-old father was incarcerated for inappropriate sexual behavior due to dementia. Sadly, cognitive impairment is currently not recognized as a legal defense. For 150 years, court opinions have swung toward ‘strict liability,’ and it is my hope that the trend is returning toward the more fundamental definition of a crime, which requires a guilty mind as well as a guilty action. (e.g. mens rea) This will require that legislatures find the courage to talk about the human condition with less ambition and zeal and more realism and kindness, not something that fits well into a typical campaign speech. Stories, like this, will need to be heard more often before hearts will change and true justice be restored. I encourage us all to share those stories. Thank you.
If it is possible to try a juvenile as an adult, then why is it not possible to try someone with intellectual impairment as a juvenile?
Doesn’t the US court system take into account someone’s capacity to understand?
This post really hit me. My son similarly was autistic. He was in a similar situation at age 15. My husband had just died. It was a terrible time for our family. My son was asked the same thing and did the same thing. After taking a plea on his 18th birthday. BTW I could not be appointed guardian to stop this due to his assessed borderline capacity to aid in his own defense. My son spent 8 years in a Florida prison where he was raped and beaten and starved. Some how he made it through that. The pain of knowing my son was tortured every day just about killed us too. Once out the probation was brutal. There were arrests for failure to register because he didn’t get a picture taken and other crap like that. Then there were the bad people who targeted him for one reason or another. My son committed suicide at age 39 in 2019. The system does not care. In fact a deputy was over heard saying “another one bites the dust” as he was being taken away to the medical examiner. I reported the deputy. Nothing happened.
Accounts such as this one (plus Mark Thompson’s) are a must-read.
Linda
Your story brings tears to my eyes and pain to my heart. I pray your son is in a better place now. And as a former cop, I can tell you, the stuff some officers say when you are not around are even worse than what you heard.
It use to make me sick and one of the many reasons I left a career I thought I would love. Many men become cops because they were bullied as kids and want to have power over others.
I am so very very sorry. I live in fear every day someone will hurt my son because of his label. My heart goes out to you.